It Wasn’t Meant To Be

You know that new “happiness is a choice” outlook that I’ve got?

Yeah, it sat the last couple of days out. But this is what you love about me – I’m inconsistent in an adorable sort of way.

You know what’s not adorable? Crying at your desk. That happened on Thursday. And let me just tell you, I’m not the slightest bit adorable-looking when I cry. In fact, I may be the world’s ugliest cryer. I’m serious, I’d put money on it.

Also not adorable is the tired, broke-down look I was sporting this morning while working on a grant report. There are a million other things I would have liked to have done on my Saturday morning but instead I spent the majority of it trying to fit seven pages of program data and anecdotes into a three page report.

Finally, I did not look adorable when I went to pick up my race packet today and was told by the very nice staff that they have no record of my registration. I could have gotten angry and thrown a tantrum. I could have made a scene. But I was too tired. And I knew it was my fault anyway for not being a responsible human being and checking to make sure everything with my registration was kosher after I demanded to be switched from the half marathon to the 10K.

The race is not sold out so I could have just registered right there but instead I hauled my sorry butt home. Because the truth is when they told me they had no record of my registration I was not angry – I was sort of relieved.

Just admitting that makes me feel like a huge loser. But much like me not winning the lottery, I felt like this race just wasn’t meant to be.  Because the truth is my winter training was almost nonexistent. My weekly mileage has been abysmal. I barely managed to complete five miles last week at the Shamrock Shuffle. It was a struggle

I think this photo is proof. Ugly proof, but proof nonethless. I mean, it even says PROOF right on it. Okay, okay, okay. That was a bad joke.

Still, I’m not where I’d like to be in terms of my running and fitness goals. And that’s disappointing to me. Like, really disappointing. But I know I’ll get there. It’s just going to take more time and dedication.

And even though I’m not running tomorrow, I’ll still be at the race cheering on this girl, this girl, this girl – and everyone else who is competing tomorrow. Because you are all awesome. And I’ll be back toeing the start line with all of you again soon.

Until then, I’m still planning on celebrating post-race with all of you. That’s one skill I don’t have to work on.

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16 Responses to It Wasn’t Meant To Be

  1. Maggie says:

    Whaaaat? That’s crazy about the race. I know they have race-day packet pick-up (I confirmed, since that’s what I’ll be doing), can you print up a confirmation of your registration and the switch and bring that? At the very least, just to get your jacket that you paid for?

    • Molly says:

      I wasn’t charged so it’s totally my own fault for not double-checking things on my end. I’ll be there cheering all of you on though. Good luck tomorrow!!!

  2. Don’t worry, I gave up on this race too before I even made to packet pick up. It sounds like you need to sleep in! Sometimes that’s all you need! :)

  3. kilax says:

    You are totally in a stressful dumpy place lately, aren’t you? Are you still feeling passionate about work, just overworked? Or is it really wearing you thin too?

    These questions seem personal and rude… but I only ask because I’ve not been in to my work lately, and those general feelings are affecting my running and my overall attitude. Guess I am just telling you I can relate ;)

    Nothing wrong with being relieved you were not registered. It’ll be fun to watch your friends today and hopefully get to do some things you want to do!

    • Molly says:

      To answer your questions: Yes, yes and yes. Ha ha. You are not being rude at all! I *am* in a stressful, dumpy place lately. I’m definitely feeling very overworked and overwhelmed. And, for me, it’s hard to be passionate about anything when I’m feeling like that. I kind of just go into survival mode, you know?

      I still had fun celebrating post-race yesterday and I’m trying to work out a plan to find some balance in all the chaos!

  4. Well I think the fact you planned on still going to cheer on the others even though you aren’t running it anymore is awesome. It says a lot about you. Keep your head up!

  5. You had an 8:30 pace for most of the Shamrock Shuffle, so you aren’t struggling as much as you think you are! You’re amazing, you’re just too busy to notice right now. I promise your glasses will be rosier once things calm down :-)

    • Molly says:

      Thanks, Diana! It *is* hard for me to see things positively when things are crazy! But you are right – things will be easier for me when things calm down.

  6. Nichole says:

    I want to give you a big ol’ hug. It’s OK to have your valleys, but you get back on that mountain girl! You came off an amazing race. Everything happens for a reason…albeit it make take some time to figure out why.

    Unwind, relax and hang in there. I am hoping this week you turn it all around!

  7. Well, you’re not a loser. I don’t take losers to the Pour House. :) BTW, I used the bumble+bumble this morning and my hair is HUGE.

  8. Sometimes there’s just too much going on, and I don’t think theres anything wrong with being relieved that you weren’t actually registered. I’m a big believer in doing things because you want to, and not because you feel like you should. If you weren’t feeling like you really wanted to run the race, sitting it out is better than forcing yourself and feeling miserable the whole time.

  9. rachel says:

    I totally get how that goes…. and it was a tough one for me too. I am definitely feeling those 6.2 miles in my legs today. Next race = Bunny Rock 5k next weekend up at Montrose Harbour. Let me know if you want to join for 3 miles :)

  10. Kimberly says:

    Molly, we have all been there. I remember in Columbus, I got to a race as it was starting. Could I have quick parked and joined the crew? Of course. Instead I did a classic eeyore sigh and did a U-turn to go home. Some races just aren’t meant to be. Listen to your body and don’t be so hard on yourself. :)

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