You know that new “happiness is a choice” outlook that I’ve got?
Yeah, it sat the last couple of days out. But this is what you love about me – I’m inconsistent in an adorable sort of way.
You know what’s not adorable? Crying at your desk. That happened on Thursday. And let me just tell you, I’m not the slightest bit adorable-looking when I cry. In fact, I may be the world’s ugliest cryer. I’m serious, I’d put money on it.
Also not adorable is the tired, broke-down look I was sporting this morning while working on a grant report. There are a million other things I would have liked to have done on my Saturday morning but instead I spent the majority of it trying to fit seven pages of program data and anecdotes into a three page report.
Finally, I did not look adorable when I went to pick up my race packet today and was told by the very nice staff that they have no record of my registration. I could have gotten angry and thrown a tantrum. I could have made a scene. But I was too tired. And I knew it was my fault anyway for not being a responsible human being and checking to make sure everything with my registration was kosher after I demanded to be switched from the half marathon to the 10K.
The race is not sold out so I could have just registered right there but instead I hauled my sorry butt home. Because the truth is when they told me they had no record of my registration I was not angry – I was sort of relieved.
Just admitting that makes me feel like a huge loser. But much like me not winning the lottery, I felt like this race just wasn’t meant to be. Because the truth is my winter training was almost nonexistent. My weekly mileage has been abysmal. I barely managed to complete five miles last week at the Shamrock Shuffle. It was a struggle…
Still, I’m not where I’d like to be in terms of my running and fitness goals. And that’s disappointing to me. Like, really disappointing. But I know I’ll get there. It’s just going to take more time and dedication.
And even though I’m not running tomorrow, I’ll still be at the race cheering on this girl, this girl, this girl – and everyone else who is competing tomorrow. Because you are all awesome. And I’ll be back toeing the start line with all of you again soon.
Until then, I’m still planning on celebrating post-race with all of you. That’s one skill I don’t have to work on.