And Now I Owe You $125

I want to be clever.

I really do. I want to tell you a funny story and show you a crappy picture of some silly recipe I made.  But I don’t think I can muster it. Forgive me?

I’m feeling a little bit like Alexander today.

You know the children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst?

Yeah, I’m having that kind of day.

Actually, I’m having that kind of month. And I’ve been trying my best to take it all in stride, but I broke down yesterday. We’re talking sobbing on the floor breakdown. I could go into everything that’s attributed to my own personal terrible, horrible, no good very bad month, but I don’t think the sources are really that important.  What I think is important is what I do with all this mess and how I move forward.

Because here’s the thing: I was talking to one of my oldest and dearest friends the other day about excuses. About how yes, bad things happen to everyone at some point in their lives. And yes, some of us stumble upon more misfortune than often seems fair. But the thing we overlook, the big piece of the puzzle we miss, is that more often than not the power to change our situation lies within us.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to notice all of the excuses people hide behind. And more and more I’m holding myself – and others – accountable.  Sometimes that means taking action. Other times it means simply sitting with the yuckiness till it passes, trying to find some meaning in all of it.

I did a little of both this weekend. And though I’m feeling better, I struggled on whether or not to share all of this here. Yes, I’ve complained about many, many things on this blog in the short time that I’ve had it, but it’s all been very lighthearted. And I’m hyper-vigilant about oversharing here, after all, I don’t have $125 to pay you each for therapeutic services. But I didn’t want to slap on smile, throw together some semi-edible recipe, and call it a day. Because it just didn’t feel right.

And that’s one of the main lessons I learned this weekend. Both while working through some solutions to my Alexander-style problems and while lying face down in child’s pose on my yoga mat. I can’t make excuses anymore.  In my heart, I know the truth. In my heart, I have the strength to do what I have to do. To forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made. To move forward in the direction I need to go. In my heart, I know that if I’m not living the life I truly want and need to live – it’s up to me to change it.

Deep.

I know. This is what happens when I do yoga. Or cry for a few hours. Or cry and do yoga. Don’t act like it’s never happened to you.

All right, all right. This concludes my weird, emotional overshare rant.  I do have exciting news regarding a giveaway, some crock pot magic, and my plans to make this holiday season spectacular – for others, not just myself – to share with you this week. But until then, thanks for listening.

And now I officially owe you all $125.

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40 Responses to And Now I Owe You $125

  1. Nichole says:

    Rant away! I have those days too, and now I know to call myself Alexander. I hope you are getting some rest and “me” time – you deserve it!

  2. We all of those days, weeks, and months. I went through a rough point to a few months back and it was tough to snap out of. I must admit, I did cry while doing yoga. Haha. Stay strong and stay the course. Things have a way of falling into place.

  3. Abby says:

    Never apologize for being human. Well, I should rephrase that. Never apologize for being a sensitive human in touch with her feelings and willing to face them instead of running away from them with self-destructive behaviors, as many people are prone to do.

    Feel the feelings, deal with them and make no apologies. We all have shitty stints and what you choose to share is your choice (obviously.) Just know you have people who care either way!

  4. Hang in there Molly. You have nowhere to go but up.
    This is going to sound totally weird but you must be in pretty good shape to cry during yoga. :) I am just trying to breath. I guess I have had a sobbing breakdown after a massage, probably similar in to how your body releases emotions.
    If it’s any help, I’m sorry you are having a rough month. Your blog always make me smile and laugh. Hope things start going your way soon.

  5. Praying for you, Molly!! You’re more than welcome to rant on your own blog – it’s YOUR space! BUT I could use some money….I’ll take payments in the form of cookies or brownies.

    • Molly says:

      Done and done. :) Baking is therapeutic and I often find myself inexplicably mixing batter when things are rough. Expect the fruits of my labors to come your way!

  6. First of all, my sister and I always explain our bad days by saying “I’m having an Alexander day” so I love that you referenced that, because we all have those moments!

    Sometimes you have to go through a rough patch to come out on the other side- there’s nothing wrong with sharing- it makes us all feel like our breakdowns are more normal, because we all have them. Here’s one of my favorite quotes for when I’m sloshing through things:

    ‎”Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

    Hope today’s a better day, chicken!

  7. Deitra says:

    Love you so much!!!!

    • Molly says:

      Right back at you! Thanks for being such an awesome friend. It means the world to me. That being said, yes – you still have to go see the JT movie with me. ;) Not letting you off the hook.

  8. Haha, I had a nice rant on my blog a couple of weeks ago. It’s a great outlet. And anyone that is shiny and happy on their blog every. single. day. isn’t being real or honest. Anyway, I hope you are feeling a little better now!!

  9. It’s on the house, Molly ;)

    Keep your head up!! We all have bad days where our problems seem worse…hang in there, sweetie!

  10. Julia says:

    We ALL make excuses..it’s part of being human. I think the most important thing is to realize when your excuses stop you from achieving something that you need to achieve. I think you have a wonderful outlook on life and you seem to know the right paths to take.

    We all have those “ehh” days and I always tell myself that just because today is horrible does not mean tomorrow (or later in the day) won’t be the best day ever :)

  11. Kiah says:

    You can make out the check to Kiah Foster.

    In all seriousness, taking some time and doing yoga always helps me get a clear head. And I don’t enjoy blogs as much that aren’t so real. So, thanks for being real. Hope it all works out…which I’m sure it will.

    • Molly says:

      Okay, it’s in the mail. But I had to post-date it for November 2031. Hope that’s not a problem. ;)

      You are the queen of keeping it real and totally inspire me to do the same. So thank YOU for being real. And for being fabulous. :)

  12. ranting is good for the soul :) and i totally loved that book when i was little.

  13. Letting it out is good for you and I’m glad you can share how you truly feel. Also you can pay me with blondies and cookies. ;)

    Keep your head up Molly, things will get better. :)

  14. BUT, at least you had white chocolate chip blondies to eat after the yoga-cry. :) I’ve been going through some crappy shit, too- I just keep thinking “this too shall pass”. Corny, true. Helpful, yes. Hang in there. And you and me need to go eat some waaaangs!

    • Molly says:

      “This too shall pass” has definitely been one of my mantras lately. I just wish this shit would hurry up and pass a little quicker, know what I’m saying? Perhaps a little booze and Third Eye Blind karaoke would help? Please say yes.

  15. Ok, I have to say how much I loved that book growing up!
    I have days like that as well! It’s ok. Sometimes you just have to give in and have a good cry.
    And hey, that’s just what were here for!! :)

  16. Sorry you’ve had a hard time as of late.

    But I like what you got out of it. Only we have the power to change our situations. And we can. And will! :)

    After another blondie/cookie of course…

  17. Errign says:

    Oh, thooooose days. What a pain the bum! I find that yoga helps me then too.

    And NBD, I quote Alexander all the time..on facebook. Yeah, I’m super popular.

  18. Kris says:

    Ahhh you and I sound a lot alike right now my friend ;) You’re amazing and so aware, I love it!

    xxoo

  19. Aw I hope you’re feeling better, Molly! For some reason I haven’t been able to view your posts for a couple of days (now sure why!) so I just saw this! Don’t feel bad about ranting. We all need to do it at some point.

    • Molly says:

      Thanks, Tracy! I appreciate it.

      And I’m sorry you’ve had trouble viewing my site! I’ve been battling with GoDaddy to try to get all the issues resolved. I appreciate you letting me know! Definitely drop me a line if it ever happens again!

  20. kilax says:

    Love this post. I am having the shittiest day and have been trying so hard all day to make it better. This reminds me I need to keep trying.

    I hope your month is getting better!

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