I want to be clever.
I really do. I want to tell you a funny story and show you a crappy picture of some silly recipe I made. But I don’t think I can muster it. Forgive me?
I’m feeling a little bit like Alexander today.
You know the children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst?
Yeah, I’m having that kind of day.
Actually, I’m having that kind of month. And I’ve been trying my best to take it all in stride, but I broke down yesterday. We’re talking sobbing on the floor breakdown. I could go into everything that’s attributed to my own personal terrible, horrible, no good very bad month, but I don’t think the sources are really that important. What I think is important is what I do with all this mess and how I move forward.
Because here’s the thing: I was talking to one of my oldest and dearest friends the other day about excuses. About how yes, bad things happen to everyone at some point in their lives. And yes, some of us stumble upon more misfortune than often seems fair. But the thing we overlook, the big piece of the puzzle we miss, is that more often than not the power to change our situation lies within us.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to notice all of the excuses people hide behind. And more and more I’m holding myself – and others – accountable. Sometimes that means taking action. Other times it means simply sitting with the yuckiness till it passes, trying to find some meaning in all of it.
I did a little of both this weekend. And though I’m feeling better, I struggled on whether or not to share all of this here. Yes, I’ve complained about many, many things on this blog in the short time that I’ve had it, but it’s all been very lighthearted. And I’m hyper-vigilant about oversharing here, after all, I don’t have $125 to pay you each for therapeutic services. But I didn’t want to slap on smile, throw together some semi-edible recipe, and call it a day. Because it just didn’t feel right.
And that’s one of the main lessons I learned this weekend. Both while working through some solutions to my Alexander-style problems and while lying face down in child’s pose on my yoga mat. I can’t make excuses anymore. In my heart, I know the truth. In my heart, I have the strength to do what I have to do. To forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made. To move forward in the direction I need to go. In my heart, I know that if I’m not living the life I truly want and need to live – it’s up to me to change it.
I know. This is what happens when I do yoga. Or cry for a few hours. Or cry and do yoga. Don’t act like it’s never happened to you.
All right, all right. This concludes my weird, emotional overshare rant. I do have exciting news regarding a giveaway, some crock pot magic, and my plans to make this holiday season spectacular – for others, not just myself – to share with you this week. But until then, thanks for listening.
And now I officially owe you all $125.