Saying Goodbye

Posted on April 24, 2012 by

 

WARNING: The following post is extremely raw, personal and sad. I’ve chosen to share it here because this is my space and Roosevelt has always been a very large part of it. This isn’t a mainstream blog and I consider those who come here day after day my friends, not my readers. 

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 “It’s too soon to be digging another hole.”

My dad muttered these words, his voice shaking with sadness as he said them, late on Friday afternoon as he dug into the earth next to Lucy’s resting place in the country house’s backyard.

I will never forget that moment. For as long as I live, I will never forget that moment.

The stray tears he carelessly wiped away as he plunged his shovel into the earth The way I clung to Christian as I sobbed uncontrollably and tried to make sense of it all. It felt like a nightmare. But sadly it wasn’t. For a few hours earlier I had been there when it happened. Had held my sweet puppy, not even three years old, as the vet quickly made his last moments painless and peaceful.

How can I put into words how lost and broken I feel? How can I explain to you how empty this house, my life, the world feels without him?

Roosevelt meant everything to me. And I just can’t believe he is gone.

It all happened so suddenly. He seemed a little under the weather earlier in the week. And then Wednesday night when I returned home late from a work meeting, he barely had the energy to play – it was a struggle. By Thursday night he had stopped eating and drinking and had barely moved. And his breathing was short and ragged, like he couldn’t get enough oxygen.

So we took him the emergency animal hospital. We left the house at 11pm. By 2:30am we had a name for what was going on: autoimmune hemolytic anemia – which basically meant his red blood cells were attacking and killing each other. His immune system was extremely compromised, his liver was overtaxed and his cells weren’t getting enough oxygen.

By 7am he was dramatically worse. His red blood cell count – which should have been around 40, and was 20 when we brought him in – had dipped to 10. He wasn’t responding to the initial treatment. Expensive blood transfusions – which were not guaranteed to help and could possibly complicate his situation further – were suggested as a last ditch effort. We would have to pay up front. The total cost was close to $10,000. We tried to find a way to get the money and meanwhile they tried a few other things. He continued to get worse. The doctors recommended we say goodbye and let him go peacefully. And so we did.

Those last moments that we spent with him, he was so, so sick. I wanted so badly to hold on to him. But I couldn’t. He gave us each one last puppy kiss and went to sleep.

After laying him to rest, we spent the rest of weekend at my parents’ house. They did their best to console us, as did the countless number of friends who called and sent messages. All of the support has meant so much to us. But nothing can quite take the ache away.

He was never just a dog to me. He was a part of me. He was our family.

I remember saying to Christian, after one of our many Saturday morning sessions of playing fetch, “What was our life like before Roosevelt?”

Neither of us could remember. And we didn’t want to. Roosevelt brought so much joy, laughter and love to our lives. We couldn’t imagine living without him.

But now we have to. And everything feels horribly empty and sad now that he is gone. I’m a complete and utter mess. Crying more than I thought was physically possible. Swinging back and forth between crippling sadness and angry despair. It seems so unfair. So horribly, horribly unfair.

I’m always trying to decide what I believe in and where I stand when it comes to spirituality. I don’t fit into one cookie-cutter religion. But I do believe there is more to this life than the time we spend here. And I know with unwavering certainty that when I move on to that place, Roosevelt will be there to greet me.

That I believe…

I won’t be around here much for a little while. I don’t feel like cooking and any runs I go on will be purely therapeutic. But I will be back. Eventually, I will be back. Until then, please give your furry friends an extra big hug and kiss today and remember how lucky you are to have them in your life.

Posted in Friends & Family, Misc. Molly Thoughts | Tagged , | 18 Comments

What I Want Wednesday: Summer 2012

Posted on April 18, 2012 by

Those of you who have the pleasure (pain?) of knowing me in real life know that I live for summer. It’s my absolute favorite. Which is why I’ve written extensively about wanting to move somewhere with a warmer climate.

But alas - I am a Chicago girl at heart and don’t know if I could ever leave my beloved city for good. Unless I won the lottery. Then I’m for sure peacing out and buying a big ass beach house somewhere. Don’t worry – you can come visit.

I don’t see any of that happening anytime soon, so in the interim I’m planning to have another awesome summer in the Midwest. And of course I have a summer wishlist. This is me we are talking about afterall…

A New Bathing Suit

 

I need this. I don’t want it – I *NEED* this. My checking account would beg to differ but that’s neither here nor there. I’ve got a few weeks to save up some cash and bust through some ab exercises to get ready for this adorable J.Crew swimsuit. I know J.Crew’s suits are a bit pricey but they do hold up really well. I’ve had two in my lifetime and I still own and wear them both. So really this is more of an investment than a purchase…That’s how I’m rationalizing it.

A New Wristlet

How freaking cute are these? I love them. Technically they are “change purses” but I would totally use this cute little Iris Tyler accessory as a wristlet in the summer. It will fit my cash, ID and a credit card – what more do you need? It’s 5″x5″ so it would even fit my cell phone if need be. And at $22.50 each, I don’t have to choose between colors – I can get a couple.

Some New Shades

These are a little out of my price range. And by “a little” I mean like $100+ out of my range. I usually only buy sunglasses that cost $10 or less because – in the past – I’ve been known to lose three or four pairs a year. But now that I’m old and wise that’s not really happening anymore. I’ve had the same two pairs of cheap sunglasses (which I love) for over a year. I think I can safely upgrade to something a little more expensive like these Ray Ban’s. Also, I love that these fold in and collapse. I can fit them in my tiny new wristlet with no problem. Perfection.

A Friend with a Boat

What good are all of the above items if I don’t have a friend with a boat? Seriously. Making friends with someone who has access to a boat in the summer has been on my wishlist since I moved to Chicago six years ago. This is the year it’s going to happen. I can feel it. If for some odd reason it doesn’t, I’m still buying all of the above items. I’ll rent a damn boat if I have to.

Okay, that’s enough greediness from me for one day…

What’s on your summer wishlist? 

Posted in Uncategorized, What I Want | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments

Low-Tech

Posted on April 17, 2012 by

My mom shouldn’t text.

She just shouldn’t. She’s a low-tech kind of girl.

Exhibit A: She recently tried to send a text to me but for some reason she couldn’t find my name in her address book so she inputted my number manually. A half hour later she received a confused call from a man who wanted to know who she was and why she was contacting him. She said she hadn’t contacted him and had no idea who he was.

“Well, then why did you just send me a text that says you love me?!” he demanded.

Apparently she had transposed a few of the digits in my phone number and texted “I love you!” to a complete stranger. She found the whole thing absolutely hysterical.

I’m not as low-tech as my darling mother when it comes to texting - though auto-correct has burned me more than once - but I am pretty low-tech in the kitchen department.

Don’t get me wrong, I love gadgets. I yearn and lust for fancy kitchen gadgets. I just don’t have many. So when I saw this recipe on Katie Did I was pleasantly surprised to find that I didn’t need any fancy gadget to make this “pasta.”

I’m in love with this recipe. Seriously. Who needs real pasta? Zucchini pasta is soooo much better. Not to mention prettier. My photos don’t really do this amazing – yet beautifully simple – dish justice, so make sure you check out Katie’s blog for a more accurate representation. The girl has mad photography skills.

Zucchini Ribbon ‘Pasta’ in a Lemon Tahini Sauce

  • 2 Zucchini Squashes (green, yellow or both as I used)
  • 1/2 lemon
  • 2 Tbsp tahini
  • Olive oil
  • Black olives
  • Salt, pepper, garlic powder, basil, parsley

Begin my cutting off the ends of the zucchinis and washing them. Using a vegetable peeler, peel one section at a time for 4 ribbons, then rotate and continue. Continue to rotate and peel until you hit the core of seeds, then stop. Save the core to dice up in another recipe. Do this for both zucchinis, you should be lefts with a large bowl of ribbon pastas, depending on the size of your squashes.

In a pan over medium- low heat add a tsp of olive oil and allow to warm. Dump in your ribbons (you may need to do this in batches depending on how many ribbons you have and the size of your pan. Just don’t over crowd it). Stir constantly with a spoon and allow the ribbons to cook through and wilt a little. Since they are so thin it should only take 1-2 minutes, you don’t want them overcooked. Squeeze 1/4 lemon just before they are finished cooking. Remove from heat and put in a bowl to toss with dressing.

Mix together 2 Tbsp tahini, 2 tsp olive oil, juice and zest from the other 1/4 of a lemon, a few dashes of salt, garlic, basil, and parsley. Slowly add a small amount of warm water while whisking until a runny, smooth dressing is made. This makes a small amount of dressing (about 2 serving worth, so feel free to double or triple for more servings).

Toss the ribbons with dressing and halved olives. Serve warm or cold. Make 1-2 servings or more if it’s a side dish.

Look! You can even twirl it like pasta!

Genius. Pure, genius. Do yourself a favor and make yourself some of this faux pasta. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.

Oh, and if you get a random “I love you” text from an 815 area code, don’t panic – it’s just my mom.

Posted in Food, Recipes | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Don’t Be A Drag, Just Be A Queen

Posted on April 16, 2012 by

How is it Monday already?!

Seriously. It just doesn’t seem fair. My weekend was restful, though not quite in the way I had hoped it would be. And I did end up working a bit. Meh. What can you do?

Let’s look on the bright side, shall we?

I have my health, the love of friends and family, and an ungrateful dachshund.

"Get that camera out of my face. I said no more pictures, lady."

Life could be worse.

Sometimes you just have to count your blessings, slap a smile on your face, and keep moving forward. Don’t be a drag, just be a queen. That’s my motto. For today anyway. Coincidentally, it’s also a Lady GaGa lyric. She totally stole it from me but I’m cool with letting her use it.

Also part of my motto: Eat shrimp tacos.

That one’s all mine. No Lady GaGa affiliations – none that I’m aware of anyway. Anyway, I know it doesn’t really make sense – just go with it, okay?

Spicy Shrimp Tacos with Cilantro-Lime Sour Cream

  • 20 medium prawns, peeled and de-veined
  • 1 avocado, pitted and cubed
  • ½ cup black beans, rinsed
  • 1 clove garlic, minced
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
  • 1/2 teaspoon chili powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 avocado, pitted and cubed
  • ½ cup black beans, rinsed
  • ½ cup sweet corn
  • 4 tortillas, flour or corn
  • Cilantro-lime sour cream

In a bowl whisk together olive oil, garlic, cumin, and salt. Add in shrimp and toss to coat completely. Cover and refrigerate to give the flavors a chance to blend.

Remove shrimp from fridge after 20 minutes and cook in a skillet on medium heat until pink and cooked through, about 5 minutes. Turn off heat and cover to keep warm.

Heat a small amount of olive oil in a small skillet. Cook tortillas one at a time until soft, about 30 seconds on each side. Fold over to make a taco shell. As you cook each tortilla, place them on paper towels to absorb any of the oil left over.

Spoon black beans and corn into shells and then add shrimp. Top with avocado and cilantro-lime sour cream.

Cilantro-Lime Sour Cream

  • 1/4 cup sour cream
  • 2 tablespoons chopped fresh      cilantro
  • 1/4 teaspoon cumin
  • Juice and zest from one lime
  • Salt to taste

The best of both worlds: Savory and spicy but also cool and refreshing. It’s safe to say these are my new favorite meal.

I need to impulse buy seafood more often.

All right kids, no rest for the wicked. Bring it on, Monday.

Posted in Food, Recipes | Tagged , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

A Day in the Life…

Posted on April 13, 2012 by

Good grief – where have you been?!

I feel like we have’t talked in ages! I’m sorry I’ve been MIA all week. My biggest event of the year is only a few short weeks away and thus the chaos that surrounds planning a gala for 500 people has swallowed me whole.

It happens.

Here’s a sneak peak at what my days have been like. Pretend to act interested.

3:00am: Wake up in a panic. Toss and turn while thoughts of centerpieces, Canadian jazz singers and auction packages run wild in my head.

4:52am:  Finally fall back asleep.

5:00am:  Alarm goes off.

5:05am:  Put on running clothes in the dark. Strap on Garmin. Sneak past this guy.

5:07am:  Hit the street. Turn on Garmin. Realize battery is dead. Again. Pat self on back for inability to take care of simple tasks.

5:09am:  Run four ugly miles. Get questionable looks from fellow runners and people in cars. Attribute it to a) Mismatched running clothes b) Off-tune singing of this song c) All of the above.

5:52am:  Shower. Try to find an outfit that exudes both professionalism and a sense of style. Realize I have neither of these things and thus do not own corresponding clothing. Dump contents of closet in middle of bedroom out of frustration. Choose least offensive outfit.

6:42am: Assess hair and make-up situation. Realize there is not enough concealer in Chicago to cover the dark circles under my eyes. Decide to wear ridiculous headband to distract others from noticing this.

7:04am:  Boyfriend: “What’s that you’re wearing on your head?”

7:05am: Lose the headband. 

7:06am: Play fetch with Roosevelt and his brother.

7:35am:  Leave for work in Gold Car with the boyfriend.

7:42am:  Seat dance and sing “Sexy and I Know It” at stoplight. Embarrass boyfriend.

7:53am:  Hop out and catch brown line downtown. Sit next to man who smells like Paprika. Play “Words with Friends” with friends. Lose. Badly.

8:34am:  Arrive at office. Say hello to co-workers. Shovel breakfast in my mouth while listening to voicemails.

8:42am:  Begin wading through 50+ emails. Add new items to never-ending to-do list. Resist urge to bang head against the wall.

10:02am:  Fully immerse self in event planning craziness. Update spreadsheets.  Sign contracts. Return emails. Search for elusive red chair bands. Write. Merge. Print. Proof this. Proof that. Convert to PDF. Convert back to Word. Update website. Break website. Call tech. Yell. Apologize. Repeat.

1:30pm:  Inhale lunch. Breathe. Start again.

2:02pm:  Conference call. Say “yes” and “of course” and “no problem!” Smile. Add more stuff to the to-do list. More writing. More updating. Computer freezes. Did not save changes. Curse. Stomp. Eat chocolate. Regroup. More emails. More phone calls. More to-dos.

5:48pm:  Rewrite to-do list. Update Outlook tasks and calendar. Try to figure out what it is I accomplished today. Give up. Head home.

6:01pm:  Listen to Pandora on train. Close eyes and pretend Bruno Mars in serenading me on a beach. Open eyes. See man devouring a McChicken in the seat next to me. Realize I am not on beach with Bruno Mars.

6:33pm: Get off train. Walk to Trader Joe’s. Discover I left grocery list at home. Decide to wing it. Leave with $40 worth of miscellaneous items. Walk back to train.

 6:43pm: Get off train again. Walk home. Call Mom on the way. Ask her what I should be when I grow up. Silence. Not a promising reply. Change topic. Talk about dachshunds.

7:03pm:  Arrive home. Greet the fuzzy dictator, who demands his treats. Give him treat, which he promptly buries in the couch and then begs for another one. Give him another treat. Decide it’s best I don’t have children.

7:08pm: Begin dinner. Get excited about trying out new shrimp tacos recipe. De-vein shrimp (gross), make marinade and cilantro-lime sour cream. Realize I forgot to buy tortillas at the store. Curse.

7:38pm:  Store shrimp taco fixings in fridge. Make a veggie burger. Consume with a glass of wine (okay, two) and an absurd number of chips with hummus.

8:04pm:  Remember that I forgot to call that person about that thing. Email myself a reminder to do so. Contemplate checking work email. Decide against it. Read blogs.

8:29pm: Check work email. Instantly regret it. Respond to a few items and then close out.

9:09pm:  Watch Mad Men. Wish I had lived in the 50’s and 60’s. Watch Don Draper strangle a woman. Change mind but vow to wear more vintage dresses.

10:02pm: Search the internet for Mad Men inspired dresses. Realize I can’t afford any of them. Also, I’m not built like January Jones or Christina Hendrick. Fact. Give up on Mad Men dream wardrobe. For now.

10:46pm:  Look up Chicago murder case of eight nurses referenced in episode of Man Men. Regret decision to look up murder case. Double-check the locks. Eight times. Go to bed. Dream of nurses, serial killers and (what else?) centerpieces.

…And then it starts all over again.

Glamorous, no?

The good news is it’s Friday. And I plan to hang up my event planning hat for the weekend for the next couple of days for some much needed R&R. I hope you have a splendid weekend! 

Posted in Misc. Molly Thoughts, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 9 Comments